Here are some more thoughts on “love,” relating to God’s love in our marriage. By introduction, in the following chart, we are not talking about the cause of every argument. We are talking about the spirit of a marriage, where the spirit of one or both is no longer “for” the spouse but “against.”
The “Spirit”
of a Marriage
|
What causes the spirit of a husband to react to the spirt
of his wife? |
What causes the spirit of a wife to react to the spirit of
her husband? |
|
·
Resistance to his will. ·
Lack of confidence in his decisions. ·
Inflexibility to his priorities. ·
Resentments for his past failures. ·
Failure to build loyalty into the children. ·
Lack of a grateful spirit. ·
Inconsistency in discipline. ·
Attempts to correct him in public. |
·
Awareness that she is not first place in his
life. ·
Failure to recognize attempts to please him. ·
Unfavorable comparison with other women. ·
Lack of spiritual leadership. ·
Rejection of her opinions as important. ·
Lack of inner discipline. ·
Inadequate preparation for changes. ·
Inconsistencies in discipline. ·
Attempts to correct her in public. |
When these and other pressures work to tear down the marriage,
how can the husband and wife respond?
A. BOTH: with godly love. John 3:16. Since “the fruit of the Spirit is love,” Christian spouses can be immensely helped by
being filled with the Spirit. He will
produce the love of God in the life of the one He controls. A good relationship with God is the key to a
good relationship in marriage.
Having said this, Peter gives us a powerful demonstration of
this “love” in speaking to wives about their “unbelieving” husbands. It’s not that husbands don’t have this
issue. It’s more that wives have this
issue and may feel powerless to do anything about her husband. “After all, he’s the ‘man’ and I’m supposed
to submit to him. So, what do I do? Just nag him all the time?”
B.
The wife: with Christ-like submission. 1 Peter 3:1-6.
a.
3:1: “wives.” A
wife needs to remember who she is according to God’s perspective. She is a gift from the Lord (Pr. 18:22;
19:14), given to her husband by God. She
therefore needs to yield herself to God (Rom. 12:1) and also commit her husband
to God. Her rule of life, as is her
husbands, is “not my will but thine be done.”
b.
3:1b: “in the same way be submissive.” The idea of submission permeates 1
Peter. Prior to this passage Peter has
reminded us of how it works in society and the market place, and how it was
born out in the life of Christ (2:21-23).
The one in submission in a particular relationship in society has a goal
to bless the one to whom they submit.
They seek to help them succeed.
c.
3:1c-4: “won without a word” by “purity and reverence,
a gentle and quiet spirit.” The wife has
tremendous power in God’s way of doing things, but only if she resists the
temptation to take over her husband’s responsibilities. In this way she appeals to his conscience,
for which Rom. 12:17-21 has great advice.
Evil is overcome with good. The “victim”
(the world’s terminology, not the Bible’s) realizes she has a special
opportunity to bring about the will of God in her difficult marriage.
d.
3:5-6: the illustration of Sarah. Abraham and Sarah were not perfect, but the
evidence is clear in Genesis that they both grew in faith. Before the two most important times in
Abraham’s life (Gen. 15 when he first believed; Gen. 22 when he offered Isaac,
showing the maturity of his faith) there were two similar situations where Abraham
lied about Sarah being his wife. She
could have resisted, but was submissive and God used each as a turning point in
bringing Abraham to true faith. Often in
the Bible this is called “waiting upon the Lord.” It is a critical aspect of faith when the
wife gives God the opportunity to do His work in her husband’s life, when she
waits for God to answer her prayers.
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